Warning: This post contains nothing but complaints and whining. Do not read if you do not care. If you do care, by all means, read on. Just keep in mind that this post is really just to get out my frustrations. Carry on.
I thought senior year was supposed to be fun?
Earlier today I was mentally going through my schedule for next semester, and it nearly brought me to tears. The realization struck me that I'm going to be busy all. the. time. I'm dual-enrolled in five classes at my local community college, plus I'm taking a western literature class with a few fellow homeschoolers, plus I'm working two part-time jobs, plus I'm rehearsing for a show I'm in (that part I'm super duper excited about, though!), plus I'm trying to remember to breathe in the meantime...
Needless to say, I’m both terrified and kind of sad. My social life is going to be nonexistent. I’m barely going to have time to hang out with the people I actually enjoy in between my classes. I’m not going to have a single available day for a sleepover throughout the entire semester. My last bit of senior year is going to be a big ole pile of busy and I hate it. Honestly, thinking about it earlier began to stress me out, and I haven't even started the semester yet.
I love dual-enrolling, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like I’ve bitten off far more than I can chew. When I first started taking college classes in 10th grade, my goal was to graduate high school with my AA degree. Due to some setbacks junior year regarding math classes, it became evident that that goal was not going to be reached. So, I formulated a new goal; graduate high school with as much college under my belt as possible, stay at my local community college for one more semester so that I could finish up whatever credits I had left, and then transfer to the 4-year college of my choice in the Spring of 2015. It seemed fool-proof until just a few weeks ago.
I was gallivanting around Walt Disney World with a large group of friends when one of my good friends and I started (for whatever strange reason) talking about growing up. We got on the topic of school, and she asked me a question I had never thought to ask myself: “so, why are you working so far ahead and taking so many college classes?” I knew I had a problem once I realized I had no good answer. “Umm, well, like, to get my AA degree soon, and like, have a chance to, like, go to graduate school, and, um, finish sooner, I guess, and, um….” Literally, THAT WAS MY ANSWER. I felt so stupid. Then I realized, why the heck am I wasting my childhood away, just to get my degree a year or two sooner than my peers?
I have looooved not having to go to a traditional high school. I tried private school for a couple of years, but it wasn't my cup of tea. The mere thought of public school makes me want to vomit. (Disclaimer: I have nothing against the public education system in and of itself. It’s just most definitely not for me.) Not many people take homeschoolers seriously, so I made it my mission to prove them all wrong. Also, I wanted to prove to myself that I was smart. But the pressure I have put on myself to do as much work as possible and get as far ahead as possible is really catching up to me. I’m starting to crack. It’s not even that I’m worried about the workload… a lead role in a play, four college classes, an in-depth homeschool course, and two part-time jobs? Bring it on. Rather, what I’m worried about is the time span. It’s too much for the short amount of time I have in a week.
I want to do my best during this last semester of senior year, but I want to enjoy myself, too. My desire is to look back at this time in my life and say “wow, I’m so glad I was able to surround myself with the the people I love. I’m so happy I got to spend time with the ones who lift me up and help make me a better person. I’m overjoyed that I got to go to as many social events as possible to expand my knowledge of what I was learning. I’m so glad I got to do what I love.”
I do not want to say “wow, I worked a lot.”
I’m a responsible person. I don’t want to go out and party every night, or hang out with friends every single day, or have sleepovers every weekend. However, I want to take advantage of the time I have left to just be a kid, because once my childhood is gone… it’s gone.